I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
