how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
