he puts the penis in happiness.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
