the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
