What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
