I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
