how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
