It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
