google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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