dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
