he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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