We won't sleep together?
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
