You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
