Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
