i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
