im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
