I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
