First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
