i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
