oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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