I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
