Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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