Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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