i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Can you bring me the toilet please
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
