And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
