I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
