Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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