Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I think i got beer on your cat.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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