you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
