I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
