I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
