Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
God, I missed his penis.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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