That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
