She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
