Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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