Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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