you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
