I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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