i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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