He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
