You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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