You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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