Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
