I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
