i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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