Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
