I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Randomize
