How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
