he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
if only i could text you this smell
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
