even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
